"Tell me about your 5 year plan."
Such a strange prompt. A skeezy motivational mantra picked up by some entrepreneurial ponytail yuppie at a financial empowerment convention that became the blazing signifier of the capitally ambitious. The prime opportunity to demonstrate one's perfect application of strategy, drive, and confidence. And the ultimate corporate Freud-probe designed to opportunistically sniff out the most opportunistic of candidates.
Like most interview questions, it is not directed at gauging who you are truthfully as a candidate, it is more a measure of how cleverly you can structure your response to get the desired result. All parties benefit from a little lie. Too big, and you can't be trusted; planning on going to the moon shows your head is in the clouds. Too small, and they can't feed off of your meager motives. Too honest, and they don't believe you anyway.
My favorite response?
"Well, I plan to be alive in 5 years."
Without fail, it sets off an alert that flashes from behind the panicked pupils of my would-be skill set parasite. Either this woman hasn't the self-respect to set expectations, or she has no respect for the institutional order of success - either way she is out of control. Who doesn't know what we want to hear?
Then I laugh. And he or she laughs, because we all want to communicate that we got the joke, even though we're not entirely sure we got the joke.
And I say after a contented, drawn out sigh, "Really though, I see myself... (pausing for visionary effect) ...in a corner office, working out the details of a plan with my strongest team players to enhance productivity and encourage and reward buy-in from employees at all levels in the department."
Because I want the job. And a shower.
Such a strange prompt. A skeezy motivational mantra picked up by some entrepreneurial ponytail yuppie at a financial empowerment convention that became the blazing signifier of the capitally ambitious. The prime opportunity to demonstrate one's perfect application of strategy, drive, and confidence. And the ultimate corporate Freud-probe designed to opportunistically sniff out the most opportunistic of candidates.
Like most interview questions, it is not directed at gauging who you are truthfully as a candidate, it is more a measure of how cleverly you can structure your response to get the desired result. All parties benefit from a little lie. Too big, and you can't be trusted; planning on going to the moon shows your head is in the clouds. Too small, and they can't feed off of your meager motives. Too honest, and they don't believe you anyway.
My favorite response?
"Well, I plan to be alive in 5 years."
Without fail, it sets off an alert that flashes from behind the panicked pupils of my would-be skill set parasite. Either this woman hasn't the self-respect to set expectations, or she has no respect for the institutional order of success - either way she is out of control. Who doesn't know what we want to hear?
Then I laugh. And he or she laughs, because we all want to communicate that we got the joke, even though we're not entirely sure we got the joke.
And I say after a contented, drawn out sigh, "Really though, I see myself... (pausing for visionary effect) ...in a corner office, working out the details of a plan with my strongest team players to enhance productivity and encourage and reward buy-in from employees at all levels in the department."
Because I want the job. And a shower.
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